How is it that life seems to literally whiz past me these days? Since my last post (Taylor's birthday), we pulled off another mondo birthday celebration (Kendall's), coordinated childcare for our huge women's event at church with only 2 weeks notice, turned 40 and co-chaired the 8th annual carnival at Taylor's school . . . all of that while still trying to "do" life. I have to say that I haven't been doing it very well, though. I've been hanging on by my fingernails.
I'm here to confess that I have taken on far too much and must now admit that I am not Wonder Woman. (Yes, Erica, you can say "I told you so!") I swear I was more organized and sane when I was working than I am now volunteering.
There have been days in the past few weeks that I made a diligent effort to make sure my kids had clean clothes by throwing them in the washing machine. I won't tell you, however, how many cycles I had to run them through because I'd forget to move them to the dryer within the same day!
I also realized this week that I've been driving around with an expired vehicle registration for 2 months! I kept thinking the date on my inspection sticker was the registration!
The worst thing is that I've been late picking Kendall up from Mother's Day Out twice within the past few weeks. The first time was because my brain was telling me she got out at 2, so I wasn't planning on leaving until 1:30pm. Unfortunately, that was LAST year's schedule! She's been getting out at 1pm every Tuesday and Thursday since September! The second time was this week when I laid down for a second after I dropped her off at 9 am and didn't wake up until 1:01pm -- one minute past the time I was supposed to be picking her up. (I can't believe I'm admitting this.) I jumped into the car and flew down the tollway, mortified as I walked in the door to get her. The teachers just grinned and asked, "Did you fall asleep?" (I guess my bed head hair and creases on my face from the sheets gave it away.) If I didn't know the director, I swear she'd be turning me into Child Protective Services.
Don't get me wrong . . . I have loved almost every minute of the countless hours I put in to the carnival. The weeks leading up to it, there wasn't a single night that I made it to bed before 2am. I was literally just trying to get through one day at a time. And only by the grace of God, I did. We managed to raise over $15,000, every penny of which will benefit the kids and teachers of Taylor's school. Was it worth it? I think so, but it's been over a week and I still don't feel "normal."
I have also loved my weekly service commitments at church. But I've lost the passion I had for it. I don't want to! I want to be a motivator again, excited about team building and not getting discouraged with people who aren't.
One thing I know with distinct certainty . . . I cannot continue at this pace. I need to somehow come to grips with the fact that I CANNOT do it all -- and that's okay. I now need to start chiseling away at the things to which I've committed and begin to find myself again. Now that I'm 40 and officially a grown-up, that should be easy, right? Then why do I feel sick?
3 comments:
Don't feel sick, that is nerves!
Just pray about it and God will give you the answers - even if it means giving up nothing right now - and if that's the case, he'll give you strength to press on.
Wow, this sounds so extraordinarily familiar to me. I'm starting to think all moms feel this way. I am also trying to figure out where I can "cut corners" in my life and maybe take a minute for myself. I have found it's much easier to say and much harder to actually institute. I know that even if you cut back on a lot of the things you do, you would still be the most amazing mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, volunteer and citizen! Wish we could have a weekly visit across state lines to vent! Love you!!! Kelly
Wonder woman was cool and all, but I gurantee your girls think you are way cooler. Enjoy the journey too, but do get some sleep some times:)
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